| Lost but not Found |
[Dec. 5th, 2003|05:10 pm] |
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Hello...is anyone out there? There doesn't seem to be any sign intelligent life out here. Then again could anyone tell me where I am? I really don't know anymore. I can say its definately better then the place I'm used to. That place was so damn cold and grey all the time(no I'm not talking about Michigan in December). Shit If I can't remember where I was how am I supposed to know where I am now? Well there is a answer that I've pondered already. Its that I dont know exactly where I am anymore, but I can say its the most refreshing thing I've had happen to me in a while. Usually being off and away some place unkown leaves us bewildered, and unease...not me. I'm not because I know what lays behind me, and its not what I ever wanted, but this..what is unfolding before my eyes is moving beyond what I've dreamed. So I'm lost yes...but in the best sense..I'm lost and dreaming and Its the best thing to happen to me in a long long time. SO if any of you haven't guessed I'm really attached at this point. I actually have a new Girlfriend...her name is Heather. |
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| that one |
[Nov. 26th, 2003|02:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | alkaline trio - clavicle | ] |
Its probably obvious that I've been really upbeat latetly....completely about this one particular girl.first off I should note that I'm feeling pretty messed up right now...sorry for the spelling problems. On to this girl. Recently I've had the best of luck meeting this woman I'm completely crazy about. I have to say I haven't been this happy in a very long time. She is everyting I am and so much more I am not, but all it equals to, is me falling for her..slowly, but surely .I cant help but feel so very blessed at what I have going right now...I think about it, day and night and each passing moment I feel what I do for her even stronger then the day before....I'm about as content as I've ever been.... |
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| moderately retarded people carry much wisdom. |
[Nov. 21st, 2003|11:23 am] |
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Wasn't it forrest gump who said "life is like a box of chocalates, you never know what your gonna get"? damn who would have guessed a slightly retarded man that babbled about shit his mom said could have a meaningful catch phrase. At the same time I gotta admit its very very true. My head has been all over the place this past year, but no matter where it went something always seemed like it was missing. Like I had it all, but I had nothing. Forever I thought it was just a negative projection of life that I cast, and the selffulling prophecy came to light. Then I focused on life more positive then ever, and still it did not change. Fast forward to the now. My head is probably more often then not in the clouds right now, and I'm incredibly happy about where I am. I never thought it would happen anytime soon. Maybe its true that good things come to those who wait. Was it a slightly retarded guy who coined that catch phrase i wonder??? Regardless I feel for the first time in a long time my fortunes are changing for something great. Inside I hope its a feeling that just won'd die, but whatever it is...I'm going to cherish it while I have it. Or else I'll be using the cliche "you dont know what you've got til its gone" hmmm I wonder who made that one up??? |
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| The Unknown Road |
[Nov. 19th, 2003|11:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Beatles -Let it be naked (good cd btw) | ] |
In this life I've walked a long way on a path that has no end in sight, and its begining is so far back I couldn't see it or remember which way it was if I wanted to. Is there a point to that statement? You bet! Its actually really obvious. We all walk on that line, its our very own different trail in life. It has occured to me though that sometimes paths cross, and even merge for a while only breaking off momentarily before they reunite. Its that path that has brought the group of friends I hold close together. It's a great feeling to know that sometimes as you walk pretty much blind towards a destiny you dont quite understand someone else is right there. Recently my path has taken a new turn. In the least likely of places someone else's path crossed mine and I can't help but feel lucky that this happened. This woman makes me feel quite different then others. Its just that balance of brains and beauty that I find alluring and completely intoxicating. I could say I'm drowning in this feeling, but I can't be that light feeling in my heart and head assures me I must be bouyant. Its validating to be on this path. Its dark, and that really can be scary. As much of my nerves hate the feeling of the unknown they are thriving on it right now. I feel those same nerves completely alive anticpating what comes next. SO what is one to do on this path? My brains less intelligent side says grab her and run..find out where this path goes now, take it to its fullest....but those are just thoughts of a excited boy who has a hard time controlling things when they feel so right...but the answer is actually the opposite...I have to take this one by her hand and walk...we dont have to run. why run? why do I want to hurry this? there is no reason to..its beautiful to just walk this path and take it for everything it is, and in time I'm sure I'll find out where the road takes us..will it split? is this path ours for some time to come? who knows...I'm not going to worry about it, I'm going to enjoy this one. While it is the middle of november my unkown road is sunny and warm, and I've never felt more compelled to walk it. |
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| New Beginings |
[Nov. 16th, 2003|06:51 pm] |
Check.. Check.. One.. Two... is thing on? Oh you can hear me, good its been a while I'm a bit rusty with these things.
So where did all my old entries go? Well thats kinda of the past, and in reality I'd rather move past them tales... start fresh I say, move forward, set your eye on the prize right? So tell you a story??? Damn you flatter me, but you know what..do I have a story for you.... Check one? is this thing on?..shit ok sorry Its been too long.
So lets see... where does this tale begin? SO much time has passed...where have i been... o I can tell you that..
About 4 months ago I was leading my life dealing with the intricate ins and outs of job and breathing in the last days of summer. Then it happened I ran across a woman beautiful, astonishing, and suprisingly enough attracted to me. So as sparks fly its apparent that fools rush in. I'd be that fool. A whirlwind romance ensues and all is well in the world. A fairy tale is born, one for the ages. Except in this fairy tale as it turns out the Maiden Fair was also psychotic with huge mood swings, and problems with intimacy... of course being the suitor I was I sincerely tried to help, only to have my efforts spat in my face. When given the opprotunity to straighten her thoughts she turned around, locked the door and put the final nail in the coffin on what day you ask??...ooo she saved the day to test my resolve for pain and anguish on... oh thats right you guessed it my birthday... So yes I first am a rejected shell of a man, but the sorrow turned to anger and something lit a spark under my ass.... time goes on..kinda like life ...
This past friday this protagonist set out of work early..why? oh to attend a play that counts towards my final grade in school.. and that statement is entirely true...well except for the whole other half of why I cared to much to make that play on that friday..On this evening I arranged to take a lovely girl from class with me. While my intentions of the time were the most innocent, inside I had been pining over her for quite sometime...maybe it was nothing, but it was something I seen as worth pursuing...So at 6 clock i Picked her up, and we took in Glengary Glenn Ross and enjoyed it throughly..as the night wound down I was expecting to drop her off and say good night, and well... curse at myself for my own insecurities, but that didn't happen. ON this particular evening I discovered this woman was more interesting and intriguing then well...just about anyone I've dated in years, and insted of going straight home I spent a lovely night getting to take in all she is and feeling really optimistic of what becomes of it all. I wont put my whole future in it, but for the first time in a while I think I found something very profound and deep..and I hope I get to take that n go somewhere..
check ..check two... ok this thing must be rolling, so thats my little story, just to let you know where I've been... and where I am now.. Ok while this isn't my best effort to date..I hope it worked..cause im content right now...so I'm gonna turn this thing off...until your ready to hear more... |
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